It Made Me Sick
When I was 19, I got my first real taste of leadership. That summer, I stepped into the role of Head Cabin Leader at the camp where I’d spent the past few summers. I was excited and proud to take on more responsibility, but I had no idea just how challenging it would be. That summer was full of firsts: my first time managing peers, my first time making tough leadership decisions, and, unfortunately, the first time I became physically ill from stress and burnout.
The summer started smoothly enough. My co-head and I ran staff training and we felt confident in the team we had built. But early on, little challenges popped up. Looking back, I had forgotten one of the most important rules of leadership: you need to have money in the bank with your people. In other words, strong relationships, built on trust and respect, are the foundation of effective leadership.
Over the course of the summer, we dealt with several incidents involving staff. From difficult conversations to letting someone go, we faced decisions that are fairly typical in a camp setting but the way we handled them wasn’t sustainable. We pushed through without taking time to rest, reflect, or connect deeply with the team. Slowly, my energy drained and eventually, I crashed.
One moment stands out as a turning point. I spotted a staff member walking across the field openly texting on his phone. We had a clear no-phone policy, and he’d been reminded several times. When I confronted him, he barely acknowledged me. I was crushed. I realized I didn’t have the rapport or the respect, I needed to handle the situation effectively. And it wasn’t just that one moment. There had been a string of similar experiences, each one stacking on top of the last, until I found myself completely overwhelmed. I ended up spending several days in bed, physically sick from the stress.
When I reflect on that summer now, there are a few key lessons I’ve carried with me:
Relationships come first. If you haven’t built trust with people, they’re not going to follow you, no matter what your title is. Leadership is earned, not assumed.
Tone and timing matter. I’ve always had a strong personality and tend to speak directly. While honesty is important, how and when you say something, especially from a position of authority, can make all the difference.
Listening is underrated. As a young leader, I was so focused on being heard and taken seriously that I forgot to really listen. A little more listening and a little more grace would have gone a long way, especially with young, underpaid, and exhausted staff.
Curiosity beats confrontation. One of my favorite quotes, from writer Charles Duhigg, is: “When you get furious, get curious.”
That summer taught me more than any training session could have. It taught me that leadership isn’t about having all the answers or getting everything right. It’s about relationships, resilience, and the humility to learn from your mistakes. And it’s about remembering that behind every conflict is a person who might just need someone to care, to listen, and to lead with grace.
